“Everything can be deceiving.” A girl with a big dream that’s me. In my 17 years of living, my mother (Heidi De Leon) and father (Bernabe De Leon) raised me in Brgy. Bibiclat and I’m here to tell you the story of my life.
A loud cry of a baby spread all over the white room where all of the people were busy for my birth. December twenty-two two thousand one at seven thirty-five in the midnight the exact date and time when I was delivered by my mother. When I was young my mother tells me that her grandfather died months after she gave birth to me. My mother was too attached with her grandfather that’s why she always tells to me how great her grandfather was. That’s why even though I didn’t meet my grand grandfather it feels like I know him enough. Time passed and mother gave birth to my first brother we named him Adrian Louie because it is the favorite movie of my mother. Our simple house became livelier when my brother came. We fought and hurt each other but we always forgive each other automatically, whenever we fight we didn’t apologize with each other. We always see ourselves playing with each other. Maybe because our parents don’t allow us to play with other kids that’s why we got no choice, but I believed that it is not only the reason why we kept on forgiving each other because I know that our bond as siblings is more important than any fights that we have.
A year have passed my mother brought me to a place where a lot of people ahead my age were surrounding us. They put me in a room where my knowledge of writing and reading became widen. My mother always helps me with my assignments that were given by our homeroom teacher. It is really hard to believe but I am one of the students that excel in the class. When our recognition came I am the top 3 and I also got a lot of awards back then even though I am the youngest among the class. My parents made a decision for that knowledge of mine. They decided to continue my study at St. Pius X. Institute even though they have a knowledge that I didn’t undergo kindergarten and preparatory. They moved me in a private school to continue my studies as a Grade 2 pupil. My environment became more different I became more near to God and I also got some friends. Amanda is my first best friend before we got each other’s back whenever we feel that we need to.
Months passed and I and my brother have a new sibling and we named him Chaliex Neil. Whenever I look at my parents’ eyes all I can see is a pure happiness when our younger brother came and just like other kid, I and my brothers were always doing the same old thing like what other siblings used to do, but life is not only about happiness. Sadly my grades in school went down maybe because my mother is not only focusing to me because I have younger brothers to be guided too. Years have been consumed and I am still studying at the same school. My best friend Amanda has new friend that’s why I became a loner to our school. There were times that I got bullied by my other classmates because of my flat nose but before I graduated my secondary level I got new sisters and they are Trixie and Neliane. We treated each other’s like a real sisters even though we’ve been through lots of ups and downs in our life. I can tell that these 2 are one of the people that I should keep on remembering for even if we separate our paths.
When I was a fresh graduate I also continue studying at the same school, but life needs to be tough. My mother needs to go abroad for us to continue our studies and to have a better way of living. My world that time became so different because before I went to school I need to assure that my brothers are neat and safe. As an eldest one I took my mother’s responsibility and it made me to become more matured enough. My mother gives her whole month salary to us because my father doesn’t have a job to sustain our whole needs. My father is a farmer that’s why we are only depending to our harvest at the end of the year. The passed months became more difficult for me because my mother and father are always fighting about their affairs. My father became a monster to us. He always blames us our mother’s fault and never notice his own. That time I build a thick wall around me I turned different. I became selfish and lifeless girl, I created distance with myself to other people because they might hurt me just like what my father did to us. In short I’ve been traumatized in what my father have done to us. It made me feel that I and my siblings are not enough to make our parents stay, I feel so lost that time. Every night I cry at my bed asking why they should do that and I also questioning myself if I am really not enough.
Before I reached my Grade 9 I met my source of happiness and those are my friends now. My black and white world slowly became colorful because of them. This time my father needs to go abroad because he doesn’t want to use my mother’s money for his needs. He left us in our grandmother’s care; I felt so relief that time because our father will no longer reach us. Time flies and my mother got home to us. She also became different not only physically but also sociologically. She hang-out with other man in our barangay. That’s why I question myself even more. Am I enough? Something like that. It is hard for me to bring back things where they used to that’s why I always ending up accepting for me to move forward. I accept the fact that in life you should learn that the only permanent in this world is God’s love to us.
Time flies and I treat my friends as my family and my mother needs to go abroad again. That’s why we’re being left with many questions in our minds. I finished being a junior high school student without my parents by my side but that’s not the end of my struggles. My father returns before I finished my first year as a Senior Student. My siblings stay with him on our house while I stay in our Grandmother’s house. I and my siblings became separated because of my grandfather and grandmother in my mother side intended to separate me to my father because he might hurt me again.
Few months before my last stay in our school as a Senior High School student my grandfather in my mother side died. It was very painful year for me because it is not only about my grandfather’s death. My mother came home for the burial of my grandfather and in that day my mother confesses to me that she will bury her love for our father as we bury my grandfather. I thought accepting the fact that they are both wrong with their doing is the most painful thing that I will ever encounter from them, but I was wrong accepting the fact that they will not be together again is the most painful part of having a broken family. Until now, whenever they talk about our custody I always end up refusing to answer it because as an eldest I need to choose right for my siblings to be safe. I admit that my love and care for my parents are not that deep as before but I can’t also deny the fact that they are our parents who brought us in this world. For now my goal is to take care of my siblings and to love myself more.
For me life is all about accepting and giving forgiveness. Difficulties are always there but always remember that God never gave us a problem without a solution. They say that I am too much in love with the moon and stars. They didn’t know that I love the moon for giving light whenever it gets dark. I love the moon not because its can be seen on the sky. I love the moon because I thought it was me. I love the stars not because they shine above. I love the star because it was me, shining and giving a little light to the darkness night not knowing that it was actually lifeless.
